I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
