You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
