I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
