lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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