If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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