Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
