I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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