how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
