Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
