She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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