M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
