made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
