Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
