i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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