Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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