jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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