grandma shit on top of the toilet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
