Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
