in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
