Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
what day is it and did you see me today?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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