I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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