dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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