I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Rumble strips road head = magical
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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