Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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