I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this just has baby written all over it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
