I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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