so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize