Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
