it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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