I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you never un-have a 4some
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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