hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize