I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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