if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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