Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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