My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my being single is dangerous.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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