Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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