i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
