I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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