somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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