have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
