I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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