I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
