If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
