Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
