She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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