i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
