I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
