my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
