She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
