you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
