Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
