Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize