we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
