dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
