I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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