...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
