I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
