That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
