somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
