I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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