Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
