why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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