i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
