he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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