i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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