If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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