You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
