you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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