i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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