I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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