i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize