If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
