4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
