Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
