Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize