we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
