a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
