if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
