i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
