Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
