I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
