youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
