I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Randomize
