I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize