can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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