this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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