I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
