a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
