I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
