Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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