is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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