Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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