ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
