If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
