I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
