Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize