So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
