Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
