i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
