fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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