The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
