The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
