im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
