fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
