I wish I could teleport
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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