Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
