Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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