The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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