Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
