Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
