living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
