you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
