My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
