the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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