Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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