Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
