I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
