Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
