I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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