i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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