I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
