dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
