WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
