According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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