they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
