my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize