Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
