I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
