why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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